Ask Amma

Archive for the ‘What’ Category

, , , , , , , , , ,

Needle freaks my husband out – help!

In What on 9 May 2012 at 3:45 am

My husband totally freaks out on a prick of a needle. How can I help my husband overcome the fears of the labor process and help him gain confidence and in turn help me gain confidence?
– Expecting in Elkridge


Dear Expecting in Elkridge,
First and foremost, keep in mind that giving birth normally does not involve any needles!  So no need to fear.

To help me with your question I turned to newly minted Appa Arun in Gaithersburg.  He says:

I think there are a few things in play here.
1) Fear of the unknown – The best way to overcome this is to read about it and watch a number of videos and so on. This will bridge the information asymmetry in some ways.
2) You do not want your loved one getting hurt and in pain and bleeding and so on. But unlike other injuries, this is pain with a purpose which, in some sense, should be embraced rather than feared. If the mom and dad can make that psychological switch together, then the whole process becomes easier. If the mom makes the switch earlier and keeps communicating that to dad, that might help too.
3) Above all, you would be witnessing your loved one involved in one of the most beautiful acts of nature. And she is overcoming her doubts and fears, no small amount of pain, and putting in a heroic effort – you have your own child fighting his/her way out of the mother’s womb. It is a situation where you automatically get inspired and elevated and want to play a small cheerleading role at a very minimum. And the respect for each other as a couple grows manifold and the relationship enters an entirely new level.

Thank you Arun!  You are recruited as official cheerleader for the Appas of the Askamma community!

Want to talk to Arun, man-to-man?  Send a message with subject “for Arun” and Amma will pass it along. 

Whether your little one calls you Appa or Pappa or Nanna something else entirely,  Amma wants to hear from you.  Were you nervous in the labour room?  How did you cope?  Send in your stories for the next issue or post your comments online right now.

, , , , , ,

Homeschooling – what about future?

In What on 9 May 2012 at 3:38 am

Dear Amma, I am following the homeschooling approach, but please tell me what the child will feel after 5 years if I am not sending her school?  Will she adjust in higher classes?  Nowadays I am afraid that she is very much dependent on me. Even if I am in the other room of my friend’s house, she starts crying.

 – Mama of a 3-year old in Gurgaon

Dear Mama in Gurgaon,

Are people telling you that it is because she does not go to school that she wants to spend more time with you or near you?  This may be the case.  Then again, it may not be.  But should it be?  Wanting to be with you makes total sense from her perspective.  Eventually it would not only need to be “you” but could also be another caring adult (or responsible older child, if another adult is also in the house), whom she trusts.

You ask, how will she adjust in higher classes?  Are you talking about adjustment to separation from you, or adjustment to the routine of the class, or ability to follow the books and lessons?

Let us take it one at a time  – Right now your daughter wants to be with you all the time.  Today that means “in the same room.”  But you can probably remember when “in the same room” was not good enough and she wanted to be in your arms.   So she has gradually expanded her range of how far she can go and still feel that she is with you.  As she grows up, the sense of “being with you” will stay with her even when she goes places on her own.

The fact that she prefers not to separate from you now will not impair her ability to separate from you later.  How much later?  She will know when she is ready.  Whether she does it sooner or later than the kid next door is irrelevant.  As she continuously evaluates the opportunities available and measures their value against the comforts of the familiar, she will extend her range according to her judgment.

So on to the third question, if she is still not going to school “after 5 more years,” will this harm her academic progress?

What you should understand is that during all these years she is exploring and analysing the world and making her own academic progress, albeit without unit tests and report cards.   Perhaps the question school-goers should ask is, “if we are still in school taking tests and covering the syllabus after 5 more years will this interfere with our creativity, critical thinking, and zeal for adventure?”

Whenever the opportunities available in school outweigh those available in the world at large, she will be able to plan and make her transition.  You can trust her, and yourself, on this as well.  RTE Act says that schools cannot deny admission so this gives breathing space to those who want to explore options.

(excerpted from India Homeschoolers)

,

What to teach one year old?

In What on 11 April 2012 at 4:37 pm

I want to do some fun activities to spark my 13 month old son’s curiosity. I have him identify parts of body, colours, fruits and animals. I am happy with the way he picks up new things. He can not say the words such as apple but he can point to it if we ask him. What else can I do?
 – mother in Visakhapatnam
(From India Homeschoolers)

What are the things he likes to do, with little or no suggestion? Few of us can be more curious than a 1 year old so just leaving time and space for him to explore & express will open up worlds of fun. Space is not only physical, also mental …. so if I may suggest, giving lists of things by category may curb exploration. Being surrounded by people already using names for things in fixed ways, kids are bound to pick up on these … but another, quite fascinating thing that kids do is to come up with original names and categories.

Like your son, my daughter also started pointing to hair, tummy etc and other objects well before she could talk and we never tired of asking her to do so. In retrospect, though I wonder if we should have slowed down.

Other fun activities I remember from when mine was around that age … singing, clapping, stomping, hide-n-seek with objects, blankets, playing with water/ mud, playing with kitchen vessels, “helping” in kitchen, washing vegetables, mixing dough, sweeping, washing, etc. And of course, messing!

, ,

Daughter had a tantrum in the hotel

In What on 17 February 2012 at 5:22 pm

We were at a hotel with my sister and her children. My niece said that she would not have a milkshake because she had a cold. My daughter also had a cold but she insisted on having the milkshake. When I said no she lay under the table and cried. Ultimately I gave in to her demand, only requesting that it be served warm. I feel that I should have remained firm and not given in.
– mother of a 2 year old in Sion.

First of all congratulations on finding an alternative that alleviated your worries about the cold and satisfied her desire. It is not an easy situation. I gather what is bothering you more than the milkshake is that you "gave in" and "rewarded" the tantrum, weakened the belief that milkshakes are not good when one has a cold, or further, shaken the faith in mother knowing what is good for you. And being embarrassed in the hotel, in front of your sister and her well-behaved niece.

One thing I learned from Alfie Kohn is, in the event of tantrums, respond to your child only. Forget all observers. Tension about what they think will only make you less graceful under pressure. People may look, but once they see that you are in charge, they go back to their business.

Though it might appear that the tantrum was occasioned by the desire for a milkshake, bolstered by the desire to "get her way" I would ask you to consider other causes. When my daughter has a tantrum I think back through the day / week. What might have led to this frustration? Did she not get enough time to do things she wanted to do? Was she rushed? Hungry? Was she not heard? (Often when I am talking with someone else she feels a greater need to be heard!)

Regarding the milkshake, I leave it to you to decide what is healthy for your child, but I ask that you be transparent in your decisions. When you introduce your child to a food that you feel ought to be regulated in any way, explain all the regulations and hear her views on the matter as well. If you are not ready to consult your child in this way (or feel that she is not old enough), then defer introducing the food until that time. If a rule seems arbitrary then a child has no reason to respect it, or the person who pronounces it. When you respect her decisions, she will respect yours. Milkshake or no milkshake will not reflect who "got her way."

But if you should happen to find that you have said no, faced a tantrum, and then said yes, please go one step further and say, "Enjoy the milkshake." Say it with a giggle and a hug. If she has the milkshake AMA (against mother’s advice) that stress might lower her immunity more than the milk/sugar, thus rendering invalid any "I told you so" that one might be inclined to say, should aforementioned cold get worse.

This does not mean, mind you, that there will be no tantrums. While we work to prevent them by addressing underlying needs, our role is not to silence them when they occur. There will be times when there is no milkshake or other specific thing that will satisfy the child. Offer a shoulder to cry on, a comforting cuddle, a sympathetic ear.

,

Baby hungry after feeding, spits up

In What on 17 February 2012 at 5:17 pm

My son drinks about 4 or 5 oz of expressed breastmilk and wakes up in an hour and fusses a lot. He acts hungry but if I try to feed he spits up. He won’t calm down with rocking, singing, diaper change, holding closely or anything else. Doctors tell me to let him cry and feed him once in three hours. If I feed him more often, what do I do about his spit up problem?
– mother of a 10-week old in California

As they say, spit-up is a laundry problem, not a health problem. If baby is gaining weight, don’t worry about the spit milk – it is usually not more than a couple of spoons. As you know, breastmilk is easily digested so there is nothing unusual about getting hungry again after an hour or even less. If the gap is too long the baby may get overly hungry and find it difficult to relax into the feeding.

Does he nap-nurse or nurse while asleep or nurse just as he is preparing to wake up? If you can feed him before he expresses full-blown hunger that may also help – it gives him more time to spend in the state of "quiet alertness" where he is not having to use his energy to get needs met, but can take interest in what is going on around him. There is no need to follow a timetable with regards to feeding, just offer the breast whenever you think of it and soon you will find the right rhythm.

Babies also need a lot of unconditional holding and carrying. And, sometimes, a loving shoulder to cry on. Even if we do not know why they are crying, they should not have to cry alone.

,

Videos for toddlers?

In What on 27 October 2011 at 3:49 am

What video should I show my toddler? There are so many out there that teach shapes, concepts, math, music, etc.
 – father in rural Andhra Pradesh

No video can teach a baby more than free exploration of the world. There is no such thing as educational video for toddlers. In early childhood, when senses are rapidly developing, kids need to experience the world live.  While a little staring-at-screen may be harmless, you will have to ask yourself at what age you can introduce TV / video without it becoming a habit. The topic keeps coming up in various forms, e.g. a recent article “Parents Urged Again to Limit TV for Youngest.” (My comment: 228).

Fortunately screens were not in everyone’s pockets when my child was little, but today it is harder to limit exposure to these. Even if parents keep them away, friends, visitors, even bystanders on a bus find it entertaining to show babies funny things on their latest gadgets. Little ones in turn start expecting it, as if these devices were made for this purpose. Whatever happened to silly songs, funny faces and peek-a-boo? Now there is an app for that??

,

How many / what kind of cloth diapers?

In What on 27 October 2011 at 3:41 am

Have you used cloth diapers? Which brands did you like? There are so many that it is hard to make a choice. How many will I need if I plan on washing every other day?

– mom-to-be in Connecticut

Diapers drying on the line. Source: Mother Nature Network

Diapers drying on the line. Source: Mother Nature Network

Babies get so many adorable outfits – but is there time to wear them before they outgrow them? And what about the eyebrow of grandma, poised to rise sharply if anything spills on them … and hence the cute bibs, some hand-embroidered by the same grandma, and equally guarded by her glance.

Along come cloth diapers. Will baby wear them? Yes! Definitely! Many, every day! Can they get wet / dirty? yes! They certainly will! Many times, every day!

Cloth diapers have become a cottage industry among moms and dads ready to share the love, their skills and earn some income while keeping the bottoms comfy (and pretty!) and the planet a little greener. Read the rest of this entry »

, , , ,

Cow’s milk for babies?

In What on 26 September 2011 at 8:33 am

We get our fresh cow’s milk from our neighbour and she uses no oxytocin injections or other such chemicals. I’m aware of research from the west that finds against giving cow’s milk before 12 months, and that there is a risk of anemia and allergies but do you think this applies to Asian babies or in communities where cow milk consumption is highly prevalent? We would like to cut back on formula and thinking of introducing cow’s milk when our baby turns six months old, as many other rural families in Himachal Pradesh do.

– nursing mother with low supply

So sorry to hear about your supply difficulties.  Your concerns about formula milk ring true to me.  First let’s look at iron.  Studies show that the percentage of iron that babies absorb from milk is 50-75% for breast milk, 10% for cow’s milk and as little as 4% for formula milk.

I would first try to find milk from another human mother who was willing to supply.  She could nurse your baby or you could provide a pump and then feed the expressed milk by bottle, spoon or cup to your baby.  In exchange you could offer fruits or other goodies that would be helpful for the donor’s family.    La Leche League and Eats on Feets are groups that can help facilitate mother-to-mother milk sharing.

Second, the question of allergies that may arise from early introduction of dairy products.  To assess the risk level, before introducing milk from another animal, such as cow or goat, I would introduce a few drops on the skin and then by mouth, and increase gradually. At the first sign of allergic reaction or other problem I would slow down or stop entirely.  You can also test for dairy allergy if you are in doubt.    If he is not allergic to it, then even if the iron is poorly absorbed, there may be other nutrients in the milk that he will absorb.  Certainly the freshness of the milk available to you and the diet and exercise that the cows enjoy locally makes a difference, and you may want to look into raw milk as well.

At the same time I would also gradually increase the entire range of fruits, vegetables and grains in baby’s diet.

Sources: Dr. Sears  Nutrient by Nutrient
Mayo Clinic Milk Allergy Test
J Pediatrics 1977 Jul;91(1):36-9.  Iron Absorption in Infants


Haybox EZ Cooker

In What on 15 June 2011 at 8:00 pm

As featured on  Wilbur Sargunaraj’s Supercall Solutions program, the Haybox aka EZ Cooker saves you time and energy in the kitchen.   Use it to simmer, keep warm, and more.

EZ Cooker Demonstration at Sangamnagar, Antop Hill

EZ Cooker Demonstration at Sangamnagar, Antop Hill

Simply bring your pot to a boil then put the pot with the lid into the EZ Cooker and cover with the padded bamboo lid.  The cooker retains the heat and allows your food to cook slowly and stay warm for hours.  For most grains, I would let it boil for a few minutes on the stove and then transfer to the cooker to simmer for 40 minutes.  It never burns or overflows so there is no problem leaving it for a longer time.  It remains hot for hours.

The EZ Cooker is great for anything that you boil and then simmer – rice, oats, and other grains, as well as vegetables.

As a haybox, it is also good for presoaking legumes in warm water, or for keeping a steady temperature for yogurt to set.  It can also keep cold things old or provide a cozy place for fruits to ripen.

No wonder “Simple Superstar” Wilbur Sargunaraj came to Sangamnagar to film the EZ Cooker in action.

 

 

 

, ,

travel snacks?

In What on 14 June 2011 at 3:24 pm
Khiyali tender coconut

The author’s daughter sipping nariyal-pani through a straw.

What all do you carry with you as snack or in between eats for toddlers when you travel?
– Mama of a 2.5 year old in Dallas

Try at Home: Enterprising Mama Sunita shares this recipe for a homemade Lara Bar.

In India: Refreshing tender coconut satisfies the munchies and quenches thirst. It is so great to find it at almost any bus stop, train station or marketplace.

Traditional travel snacks like khakra, tepla keep for a few days. Homemade cookies, muffins, or crackers are useful when a journey takes longer than expected. Don’t be put off by the subtitle, but I have gotten nice travel snacks from Bankeraika‘s www.bankeraika.com/

When they’re old enough, peanut butter is easy to carry around and one can get “whole wheat” bread nowadays in most food shops. I am not sure how whole it is, but it seems to be less empty than white. A bite of sandwich and bite of fruit like banana, chiku, orange, etc. makes jam unnecessary.

From hotels some options for the very young are: boiled potatoes, boiled carrots, raw tomatoes, idli, boiled chickpeas … sometimes we still order these when everything else on the menu is too spicy.

Things to stash in tiffin dabbas are: 1. puffed grains or rice cakes. 2. fresh fruit / veggies. 3. dry fruit like raisins, dates 4. nuts if they are old enough.

Insert nut in date after removing pit. Use peanut, cashew, almond or any other nut. Don't eat the clerodendrum!

Insert nut in date after removing pit. 

More:

Simple Raw Snacks

Simple Snacks 2

Energy Bars