Ask Amma

Posts Tagged ‘learning’

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Homeschooling – what about future?

In What on 9 May 2012 at 3:38 am

Dear Amma, I am following the homeschooling approach, but please tell me what the child will feel after 5 years if I am not sending her school?  Will she adjust in higher classes?  Nowadays I am afraid that she is very much dependent on me. Even if I am in the other room of my friend’s house, she starts crying.

 – Mama of a 3-year old in Gurgaon

Dear Mama in Gurgaon,

Are people telling you that it is because she does not go to school that she wants to spend more time with you or near you?  This may be the case.  Then again, it may not be.  But should it be?  Wanting to be with you makes total sense from her perspective.  Eventually it would not only need to be “you” but could also be another caring adult (or responsible older child, if another adult is also in the house), whom she trusts.

You ask, how will she adjust in higher classes?  Are you talking about adjustment to separation from you, or adjustment to the routine of the class, or ability to follow the books and lessons?

Let us take it one at a time  – Right now your daughter wants to be with you all the time.  Today that means “in the same room.”  But you can probably remember when “in the same room” was not good enough and she wanted to be in your arms.   So she has gradually expanded her range of how far she can go and still feel that she is with you.  As she grows up, the sense of “being with you” will stay with her even when she goes places on her own.

The fact that she prefers not to separate from you now will not impair her ability to separate from you later.  How much later?  She will know when she is ready.  Whether she does it sooner or later than the kid next door is irrelevant.  As she continuously evaluates the opportunities available and measures their value against the comforts of the familiar, she will extend her range according to her judgment.

So on to the third question, if she is still not going to school “after 5 more years,” will this harm her academic progress?

What you should understand is that during all these years she is exploring and analysing the world and making her own academic progress, albeit without unit tests and report cards.   Perhaps the question school-goers should ask is, “if we are still in school taking tests and covering the syllabus after 5 more years will this interfere with our creativity, critical thinking, and zeal for adventure?”

Whenever the opportunities available in school outweigh those available in the world at large, she will be able to plan and make her transition.  You can trust her, and yourself, on this as well.  RTE Act says that schools cannot deny admission so this gives breathing space to those who want to explore options.

(excerpted from India Homeschoolers)

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How do I make my daughter write?

In How on 9 May 2012 at 3:37 am

My baby is [age].  A week ago she started to learn to write … but she doesn’t want to write and refuses to hold the pencil.  Otherwise she loves to scribble on the wall but doesn’t want to write letters and she starts to cry.  Please help me –  how do I make her write?

– from Mothering.

Can you tape a large paper to the wall, at the height accessible to her?  Then she can scribble freely.    I have visited homes of parents who paint one wall black and keep chalk available for children and visitors – of all ages.

My guess is that she does not want to write letters designed by others because she is busy exploring the pencil and its possibilities.  Imagine that you have arrived at a beautiful mountain and are being asked to sit and study a particular rock.  Your limbs yearn to wander about the mountain.  Even if you stay and study the rock, your mind is wandering.  On the other hand, after running about to your heart’s content, if you then study the rock, you may actually be more curious and whatever you learn will stay with you as you continue exploring.

As babbling is a valuable stage of experimentation with language, so is scribbling a valuable exercise – making lines and curves and shapes appear, as if no one had ever done it before.  It will lead to writing, but it is also valuable in itself, and should not be rushed or cut short.

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What to teach one year old?

In What on 11 April 2012 at 4:37 pm

I want to do some fun activities to spark my 13 month old son’s curiosity. I have him identify parts of body, colours, fruits and animals. I am happy with the way he picks up new things. He can not say the words such as apple but he can point to it if we ask him. What else can I do?
 – mother in Visakhapatnam
(From India Homeschoolers)

What are the things he likes to do, with little or no suggestion? Few of us can be more curious than a 1 year old so just leaving time and space for him to explore & express will open up worlds of fun. Space is not only physical, also mental …. so if I may suggest, giving lists of things by category may curb exploration. Being surrounded by people already using names for things in fixed ways, kids are bound to pick up on these … but another, quite fascinating thing that kids do is to come up with original names and categories.

Like your son, my daughter also started pointing to hair, tummy etc and other objects well before she could talk and we never tired of asking her to do so. In retrospect, though I wonder if we should have slowed down.

Other fun activities I remember from when mine was around that age … singing, clapping, stomping, hide-n-seek with objects, blankets, playing with water/ mud, playing with kitchen vessels, “helping” in kitchen, washing vegetables, mixing dough, sweeping, washing, etc. And of course, messing!

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Am I academically fit to homeschool?

In Yes / No on 11 April 2012 at 4:36 pm

Do you think you need to be updated in academic subjects to homeschool your child?

– mother of a 2 year old in Pune

The short answer is: No. Many seasoned homeschoolers elaborate on why this is so, reminding you that:

– You are learning together.
– You are not so much teaching what you know as you are supporting their learning whatever they want to learn
– your children will learn how to learn, to delight as they discover, and to navigate the ocean of knowledge, not just acquire a subset of your knowledge.

When the rubber meets the road, however, doubts can creep in. Read the rest of this entry »


OOncle

In Wit on 11 April 2012 at 4:32 pm

Kids just say the darndest things!

Kiran from Hyderabad reports:

Tanmay, age 4, is finding English quite amusing. He started saying A for Amma and U for Uma (the name of his Ammamma). In the train one day he said A for Uncle and we told him that it was actually U for Uncle. He said, no U makes the “U” sound as in Uma. Thinking that over, he concluded, then “I am going to say Uncle as OOncle!”

Send your entry for Kids just say the darndest things!


Why does water put fire out?

In Why on 17 February 2012 at 5:23 pm

Why does water put fire out?
from Mothering Community

Ga-goo turns into "why? how?" faster than a speeding bullet! Once your kids learn to talk, be prepared for questions on everything under the sun. And beyond.

Why does water put fire out? Remember, this is not an exam. Your job is not to defend your thesis. Your job is to defend your child’s inquiring mind, which may be assaulted by any of the following responses:

"Don’t ask such questions!"
"Why do you need to know?"
"You are too young to understand"
"I don’t know / cannot explain. Do something else."

Gentle reader, as you read this you are no doubt thinking, "I would never say that to my precious little one when s/he comes to me with a question. I would embrace each and every question as an opportunity to listen and share and discover!"

Good. Now ponder. Would you …

– say fire needs oxygen, air has oxygen, water keeps air and hence oxygen away ergo, fire is out
– demonstrate by covering candle with glass, cutting off air supply
– show wood burning, point out the bubbles at the ends and describe how the heat releases gas that keeps the fire fed (thus creating more heat)?

– find books / websites to explain
– not answer and maybe keep making fires and putting them out and let child observe, think, unraveling further questions

What if answering the question pre-empts discovery? I often find myself wondering about this. Our heads are so full of facts. How do we keep quiet? (And even if we say fire needs oxygen, there is always "why does fire need oxygen?")

Let me recall a question that I did not readily know how to answer. For example when my four-year old asked me when the earth started turning, I was a bit stumped. In retrospect, I am glad I was stumped, otherwise I might have just said something like 4.5 billion years and then maybe gone on to talk about what a billion was and thought it was a great moment of spontaneous learning. Instead I slowly repeated the question and stayed with it for a little while but did not really answer it – maybe somewhere in there I said, "for a very long time." A year later when we were at the Museum of Natural History she saw some video about the collisions of heavenly bodies and exclaimed, "so that is how the earth started turning, and those collisions are still going on!"

Not an "independent discovery" since she saw it explained on a video, but what impressed me was that the question had stayed with her and she connected this information to it with gusto. How glad I was that I did not give a date in the past … even in that moment I had some inkling that the relevant part was the turning and not the age of the earth – because when she finally got her answer, she delighted in the ongoing nature of the process responsible for the turning.

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When should I wean my daughter?

In When on 17 February 2012 at 5:22 pm

When should I wean my daughter?
– mother of a 14 month old in Mumbai

Who is asking? You? Your baby? Your family? Random strangers on the bus? (It has happened to me.) Since you have asked me, I will go by the book and say, after at least 2 years of age, when you and baby are ready. The World Health Organization has taken care of defending the importance of breastfeeding for two years and beyond so let me talk about the further years.

Of all the years of nursing my daughter, I would say I am most grateful for the fourth.  It was in that year that my daughter fell ill three times, each time with high fever and loss of appetite.  By that age (three-and-a-half) she had grown bold in exploring the world; that may have exposed her to more bugs. Whenever she was sick, she nursed day and night – so not only did she get rest and nourishment, but I didn’t lose sleep either, because she was comfortable throughout the illness.

What if baby shows signs of pausing or stopping nursing?  Thanks to the WHO, before age 2 is generally regarded as too young to stop, and mothers are encouraged to try more skin contact and other measures to keep nursing . (See Kelly Mom for more tips.)   While two years is the recommended minimum, there is no recommended maximum.  Nursing continues to be healthy for years beyond the minimum age of two.

Young children will continue to go through phases when they nurse more as well as times when they nurse less.  Gradually the peaks of increased nursing grow less frequent and eventually do not return.

Around age two most children are eating a variety of solid foods and also increasing the range of their social interactions.   Whenever exposed to illness, and especially when sick, children nurse more.  Breastfeeding enhances immunity and also supports the mind and body while little children go through physical, emotional or intellectual growth spurts.  Just observe after a spree of nursing – you will find that something exciting follows.

You may not know when your child feels a queasy stomach or bad throat coming on, but his body will signal him to take less solid food and nurse more.  This eases the work of the digestive system, brings in fluids and channels resources to the immune system for the job at hand.   Many times a baby who is allowed to listen to her body and adjust her diet as needed will nip an illness in the bud, and will remain in tune with her body even beyond the nursing years.

At other times your little one will need less milk and your body will continue to make just the right amount for him, since the more he drinks the more you make. He himself will gradually take less and less and you don’t have to worry about when.  Remember that nursing supplies far more than food, it is also a source of comfort.  Having a safe haven to return to definitely encouraged my little one as she became more outgoing.

While there is no uniform age at which the nutritional, immunological, intellectual and emotional benefits of nursing disappear, every child weans, even without any suggestion or push.   As I read in Norma Jane Bumgarner, Mothering Your Nursing Toddler, the answer to the question of weaning, as far as health is concerned, is that you do not need to think about it.  The wide world beckons and they are little only once.

My nursing / weaning story is here.


When to introduce reading the alphabet?

In When on 27 October 2011 at 3:51 am

When should I introduce the alphabet to my child?

– mother of a 4 year old in Mumbai

In modern cities, the alphabet is all around us. Labels, road signs, letterheads & envelopes boast words that come up repeatedly and clue little minds that these symbols mean something worth knowing. If you happen to live away from busy roads, receive little or no mail, and buy unlabelled goods, then hats off to you! To get more ambient exposure to letters and words, you can follow a technique that I have found useful in introducing Telugu – I made signs and put them up all over the house – door, steps, window, rice, beans, clothes, etc.

Of course you can fill the place with signs but if your child is pursuing other interests, don’t expect her to slow down long enough to read them. As long as reading is modeled as an interesting and useful thing to do, it will catch on when the time is right. In fact, once literate, we depend on words for the rest of our lives, so why not cherish the precious pre-literate years when we embrace the world as a whole, not boxed into words, sorted and numbered?

And if you are eager to share the magical worlds that open up via the written word, reading aloud to your child is a lovely way to do it. Many children who are surrounded by readers and who are read to, learn to read just as they learned to talk and walk – without instruction. That “aha moment,” whether in reading or other skills, is worth the wait.

and quantified

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Videos for toddlers?

In What on 27 October 2011 at 3:49 am

What video should I show my toddler? There are so many out there that teach shapes, concepts, math, music, etc.
 – father in rural Andhra Pradesh

No video can teach a baby more than free exploration of the world. There is no such thing as educational video for toddlers. In early childhood, when senses are rapidly developing, kids need to experience the world live.  While a little staring-at-screen may be harmless, you will have to ask yourself at what age you can introduce TV / video without it becoming a habit. The topic keeps coming up in various forms, e.g. a recent article “Parents Urged Again to Limit TV for Youngest.” (My comment: 228).

Fortunately screens were not in everyone’s pockets when my child was little, but today it is harder to limit exposure to these. Even if parents keep them away, friends, visitors, even bystanders on a bus find it entertaining to show babies funny things on their latest gadgets. Little ones in turn start expecting it, as if these devices were made for this purpose. Whatever happened to silly songs, funny faces and peek-a-boo? Now there is an app for that??

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How do you know? So what?

In How on 27 October 2011 at 3:46 am

ऐसा तोड़ी न हो सकता है … It’s impossible to climb Mt Everest?
आप को किस ने बताया? – How do you know?
तो क्या? …. So what??
कुछ भी बोल रहे हो! ….you’re bluffing

Everything credible is being questioned? Everything authentic is being invalidated? This is a new defiance that I hear in my child….he’s been now 2 months in this mode…what’s breeding here?

– mom of 7 year-old in Maharashtra

Ah, age 7. I remember it well. Reminded me of age 3.5, when the pain of realizing that some things in this world just make no sense seems to have turned upside down the rational world of my earnest little child. We have no answer for that angst. But just because we have stopped asking Why? for so many things, how can we say they should too?

Let me guess what might be prompting your 7-year-old’s questions:
– he wants to test the limits of "facts." Who decided these anyway?
– he wants to know how we know things, and this may be more important to him than the "facts" themselves.
– others seem / claim to know things he does not and he wants to level the playing field, challenge them on what they know

– he gets asked similar questions by friends
– he is going through an "information spurt" where he is getting exposed to a stream of "facts" from people, news, books, media and wants to set up some accuracy and relevance filters, kind of like his own toll both on this superhighway.

As I said, above are only guesses. But I congratulate him on his investigative spirit. If he rejects, for example, the idea that the earth is round, let him keep his search open until he is satisfied. Next time you are on the seashore let him observe the ships coming over the horizon. You need not bring up the shape of the earth, he can if he wants. Probably the specific question was not as important as establishing his right to search for answers himself, rather than accepting facts as stated.

And most (all?) facts hold only within certain conditions – how many times have I said something like "that will break if it falls," only to hear my daughter reply, "not if it falls from 1 centimeter" and promptly demonstrate the same. While the talkback can get annoying, would you actually want the thinking behind it to stop?